Afraid

I was afraid

Afraid that things would change if i let all my guard down

That he might change the way he treats me

Ways that made me fall with him in the first place

But, i had a lot of great memories with him

He gave me happiness and all

And slowly, i was tearing my walls down

Because he wasn't like that at all

He was patient, and he waited

But you know, at some point I began to notice slight changes

At first, I didn't want to let it slip

But I thought, he's been letting all my stupidity slip

So i let some of his too, not stupidity, just things I didnt want to let go at first

And i thought too, that if you really love someone, you love all of them

You must understand that they arent perfect and they will get mad too

And that they wont always handle your mood swings well

From the start, my mood swings werent handled well

It always ends up hurting both of us

So i tried not to

I love him, i really do

But i get hurt by the smallest things

Even I wonder why im upset about it

Like why he doesnt hold my hand as tight as he used to

Why I dont get automatic cheek kisses when he's about to go home

Why its okay now to sleep eventhough we both know something isnt right

And how ill just end up being sorry for the feelings that i declared

I know I should be as understanding as possible like he does

I just.. deep inside me

Its hard

To accept that not everything lasts forever

And that Im supposed to cope with it

I was so afraid of all it
But now here I am silently aching
To something that shouldnt upset me in the first place
I feel like a piece of shit
I should be understanding
I shouldnt act like a brat
Why am i feeling this

And now that my walls are being torn down

Its like my heart is too

But thats okay, i guess

As long as he loves me

And I can cope with it

It wont be a big deal right?

Why should I be afraid?